Swimming in the sea? Apparently, we can't have nice things
Tracey is raging as the Tories ruin one of the best things to come out of Covid
Prepare yourselves for I am raging. I’m so feather-spittingly angry, I’m on the verge of doing a full Michael Douglas in Falling Down and going on a rampage through the streets of Brighton. Why so angry, Trace? I hear you ask. Three words. The. Fucking. Tories.
Last week, I went down the beach with Miss Babs for our morning stroll. The sun was shining, it wasn’t too breezy and the waves were being kind, so I planned to take a lil dip in my beautiful briny sea. But as I approached the shore ready to shuck off my DryRobe, I changed my mind. The sea was full of shit. And while it’s a far cry from the iridescent waters of Tahiti, Brighton’s sea –usually a welcoming green-grey that Farrow and Ball would name Mullet Tears or something– was bubbling with murky scum.
Once again, the fucking Tories have ruined something nice. They voted to allow the privately owned water companies in England and Wales to dump untreated sewage willy nilly into our seas and rivers. That’s right, 11 water companies, including Southern Water and Thames Water, have been pumping raw sewage into our waterways at an astonishing rate over the past few years, to save money and fill the coffers of their Tory voting shareholders.
And while they are legally allowed to spill some untreated water, it’s only under certain conditions, such as very heavy rainfall. But last year, 292 Conservative MPs voted to allow sewage dumping in our rivers and seas for at least 15 more years.
I cannot tell you how mad this makes me. Like many, I drank the cold-water swimming Kool Aid during Covid and over the past four years, swimming in the sea has been my thing, as my Instagram feed will attest. But there’s very good reason why we all bang on so much about its benefits, regularly swimming in the sea has had a profound effect on my mental health.
I’ve suffered from various bouts of depression over the years, usually managed with some delicious Prozac, but when Covid hit, the world locked down and my career came to an abrupt halt, Prozac barely touched the sides.
During those first weeks of lockdown in March 2020, I’d wake at an ungodly hour and head down to the beach for my allotted dog walk. I remember seeing a woman, probably in her mid-sixties, strip down to her bathers and walk into the sea for a swim. Then another woman would arrive and do the same. And then another. Fascinated, I decided to give it a go the next morning.
I’d read an article about cold-water swimming being a good treatment for depression as regularly immersing ourselves in cold water puts our bodies into fight or flight mode which helps us adapt better to stress. It was a chilly Tuesday morning. Stripping down to my bikini, my winter fur still intact (no shame) I tip-toed down to the shallows, pushed through the gentle waves until the cold sea reached the top of my thighs, then flung myself forward into the water with a loud swear.
As the cold salty water numbed my skin, a fat grin spread across my face as the first rush of dopamine hit. Looking out towards the horizon, the watery morning sun hovering just above it, for the first time in weeks my head emptied and I could think of nothing but being in this deliciously cold sea. Emerging from the surf a few minutes later, like a pink-tinged budget Ursula Andress, I became an immediate convert.
Swimming in the sea got me through the lockdowns. It also helped me when I decided to end my marriage as the last one lifted. I continued to swim throughout the year, even in the dark winter mornings when there was frost on the pebbles and I thought my nipples would actually freeze off and shatter on the ground, still I would get in the sea. And I wasn’t the only one. I started going in every morning with a group of friends, all of us simmering around the menopause, and it quickly became the best part of my day.
Until now. These past six months, I’ve become more nervous about swimming in the sea thanks to the decisions of our heinous government. I now have always check the Surfers Against Sewage ‘Poo Map’ to see if those bastards have dumped any sewage near my beach.
Last year, water companies dumped raw sewage onto England’s 'blue flag' beaches a record 1500 times. Bastards. And as the World Health Organisation advises no swimming for at least 48 hours after a sewage dump, it really limits the days that we are able to actually swim safely.
And it’s not just here in Sussex. In Devon, a brilliant woman is suing South West Water over the sewage discharged into her local sea, which she claims has stopped her daily swims and harmed her health. And while England’s shitty seas haven’t completely decimated the cold-water swimming community, the government’s crap decisions have once again ruined what should be one of nature’s greatest treats.
So roll on the end of the year and the next general election and let’s get these Tory bastards into the (shitty) sea.